A New Year, A Renewed Hope

                                                         

                                      https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488939433/

                             "God is feeding me, and what I'm praying for is an appetite."- Flannery O'Connor

It has been 6 months since I last wrote and posted on this blog. I guess I felt like nothing I wrote mattered. No one was reading, no one cared. I didn't realize in the creation of this blog, I was still searching for attention and connection. It is ok that what I was looking for was attention and connection. I'm human and I'm alone and isolated. Of course I want friends, of course I want friends who know me well and know me sincerely.

But I was doing a disservice to the opportunity this blog offered me. It is a place to escape and write about whatever is on my mind. It is my small corner of the world where I can express myself free from the perception of others. I'm back to, once again, recording my simple and quiet life and its unfolding. 

New year's resolutions are quite unpopular and I can understand why. I've hardly ever followed through on any of mine I've made, other than losing weight last year. But, I have used the idea of new year's resolutions as a way to grow my curiosity about myself and my life. What would I like to accomplish this year? What do I want this year to look and feel like? What could it look like? I've been feeling so brain-dead lately and the way I've been battling that has been engaging with my curiosity whenever it pops up. I'm hoping by engaging with it will encourage those moments of curiosity to become more frequent.

To be interested instead of worrying about being interesting. To follow the rabbit trails. To pause and be fully present in a moment, in a time, much like I did when I was a child. Tocreate, unhurried for the end product. To learn and perhaps to master new skills, but to learn them sinply because I'm alive and I can.                                                  

                                        https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488877724/

So, I've set new year's resolutions that are challenging but in a way that keeps me intrigued. If I can hold a 2 minute plank could I hold a 4 minute plank? If I watch 10 movies recommended to me will I deepen my connection with people and myself? If I grow butternut squash, will I find a new way to cook it? Will I learn something new about gardening and plants?

Sometimes life is so big it's intimidating. It is easier to follow the rhythm of the mundane, to let being an adult be all that I am. Wake up, chores, gym, more chores, make dinner, (think about reading but go on my phone instead because I'm sad), find something else to clean and then try and sleep. Responsibility, duty, obligation, Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Die.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488939436/

I'd like to pop my head up and see the sky, feel the sun and live. There is time for resonsibility. There is time for rest. There is time for curiosity and play. It's all here and I have time.

                                     https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488912646/

                                                                           Fluent

                                                 I would love to live 

                                                 like a river flows,

                                                 Carried by the surprise

                                                 Of its own unfolding.

                                                               -John O'Donhue 

August 18, 2025

 

Summer's golden hour

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"August still stretched before us-long and golden and reassuring, like an endless period of delicious sleep."- Lauren Oliver

Well, August is here, full and ready. The summer is really rolling on by and here I thought I would have too much time and it's beginning to look like I didn't have enough! Students are returning to school this month, the summer holidays are ended, hurricane season is ramping up and I'm sending out job applications. What an intersting time, it feels like the warm calm before the storm on the very busy thanksgiving/christmas season. Department stores and business are already decorating their shelves with Halloween and Thanksgiving items. Although Halloween in my favorite holiday, I'd rather have August and September just as they are- a slow golden fade into autumn. It is nothing to be rushed, for too soon I will be trying to remember the way the warmth sat heavy in the air when the cold air bites at my fingertips. 

I've enjoyed a summer full of crafting, setting up our house, learning how to grow things in this hot and humid climate, playing at the beach, reading, starting a blog, creating a cleaning schedule. I have been really blessed this summer in a lot of small ways and I hope I can hold on to these memories for a long time.

I am looking forward to the rest of August and September as I find this season and Autumn to be really inspiring for crafting and creating art. The pace of life and the changes in nature always feel like coming home. It's weird to experience that nostalgia and longing so far from the place that is my true home.

"Some days in late August at home are like this, the air thin and eager like this, with something in it sad and nostalgic and familiar." - William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury

July 10, 2025

Chasing the long, sun-filled summer days

 pc:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1759287348171709/

"I love the smell of possibility in the morning." -unknown

It has been a very busy 4 weeks since I last posted. Our AC broke during a heat wave and we had family visiting us while the usual rhythms of life continuously rolled on. During all this, I've been tending my garden, trying my hand at succession planting. I've been trying to become an expert at seed starting despite the germination of a seed being a miracle. I think I shall be seeing some of my flowers bloom soon! I have also been finishing turning old t-shirt scraps into cleaning cloths and covering them with embroidery.

 

The week spent with Isaac's siblings was a lot of fun but, I am ready to clean the house and return to the summer routines. I'll be leaving in a week for a short trip to Colorado. I love traveling but I think I may have hit my limit for a while. I like doing laundry and cleaning the house, having my weekly trips to the library, going to the grocery store and the gym. I really enjoy some of the routines I find myself in right now. 

I borrowed some books of poetry by Mary Oliver from the library and found a new poem I'd like to record here. 

Hum, Hum

1.

One summer afternoon I heard

a looming mysterious hum

                            high in the air; then came something

like a small planet flying past-

                                                                something

not at all interested in me but on its own

                    way somewhere, all anointed with excitement:

                                                                bees, swarming

                                                            not to be held back

                                

                                                            Nothing could hold them back.

2.

Gannets diving.

                                                                            Black snake wrapped in a tree, our eyes

                                                                                meeting.

The grass singing

                            as it sipped up the summer rain.

                                        The owl in the darkness, that good darkness

                under the stars.         

The child that was myself, that kept running away

to the also running creek,

                                            to colt's foot and trilliams, 

to the effortless prattle of the birds.

3. Said the Mother

You are going to grow up

                    and in order for that to happen    

                                                                I am going to have to grow old

                    and then I will die, and the blame

will be yours.

4. Of the Father

He wanted a body

        so he took mine.

                                                                     Some wounds never vanish.

Yet little by little

                                                                       I learned to love my life.

Though sometimes I had to run hard-

especially from melancholy-

not to be held back.

5.

I think there ought to be

a little music here:

hum, hum

6.

The resurrection of the morning.

                                                          The mystery of the night.

                                                          The hummingbird's wings.

                                                          The excitement of thunder.

                                                          The rainbow in the waterfall.

                                                          Wild mustard, that rough blaze of the fields.

The mockingbird, replaying the songs of his

neighbors.

The bluebird with its unambitious warble

simple yet sufficient.

The shining fish. The beak of the crow.

    The new colt who came to me and leaned 

against the fence

            that I might put my hands upon his warm body 

and know fear.

Also the words of poets

                    a hunded or hundreds of years dead-

                          their words that would not be held back.

7.

Oh the house of denial has thick walls

                                                     and very small windows

and whoever lives there, little by little

                                                     will turn to stone

In those years I did everything I could do

                                                   and I did it in the dark-

                                                   I mean, without understanding.

                                                   I ran away.

                                                   I ran away again.                                

                                                   Then, again, I ran away.

They were awfully little, those bees,

                                                       and maybe frightened,

           yet unstoppably they flew on, somewhere,

                                                        to live their life.

Hum, hum, hum.

                                  

- Hum, hum by Mary Oliver, 2012, from A thousand Mornings

Summer has entered, summer is here. I hope I feel it, I hope I live it for all its lush stickiness and long sun-filled days.

Pc:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488353968/

 

Because it's summer <3

photo link: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488315074/

"I have been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I have never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do." - Georgia O' keefe

Well, it's been a less ideal week in terms of how I'd to spend my time but then again changes can be made in the smallest ways. I've accidentally slept in late most mornings this week but I did manage to knock out quite a bit of digging in the backyard garden. The goal is to try a three-sisters approach but with sunflowers, watermelons, cantaloupes and beans. It was really hard work- really I am just very out of shape and it was very hot and humid. Despite this though I managed to really make some decent progress! So I am excited to see what might grow here in the next few months. The front garden needs a bit more infrastructure and soil but in good time it'll all be as it should.

I've also been researching what a good beginner sewing machine might be for me. It's a big purchase but I think I've locked onto a good make and model. I'd really like to make a quilt this year, even if it is a bit more primitive looking.

I'm repurposing some old t-shirts into cleaning rags with some simple running stitches and more elaborate designs on other cloths. I've been really inspired by sashiko. It has been a nice way for me to come back to my hobby of embroidery as a lot of my supplies are still unorganized from the move here. I have an idea in mind of doing a southwestern themed one with either a singular saguaro or a bouquet of cactus. Maybe every time I use it I can think of home<3

A short post with not much deep introspection but sometimes life is just lived moment by moment. I wanted to post something before the week passed me by.

photo link: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/202521314488309813/

"It's June after all & you're young until September." - Ocean Vuong, Because It's Summer

                                                      

                                                Summer is on the doorstep

  photo cred: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/422281211610141/

  "It is Spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart" -Rainer Maria Wilke

It is nearing the summer solstice which means spring is coming to an end. It has been a very busy spring with surviving my first winter, on my own, with snow and actual hazardous conditions, to Isaac returning from Rhode Island and then moving to North Carolina. I like that we got to move here during springtime. The weather has been nice and it still allows time to grow food and flowers!!

I've been thinking about how I'd like to spend my summer. Ever since I stopped working it feels as if every season has to be productive and busy for it to be a good one. This time around I'd like to incorporate rest or leisure as a goal. Maybe a more balanced approach will lead to a more fulfilling summer- where memories are allowed to be made and savored.

I wrote in my journal some guidelines or goals on how I'd like my summer to be:

1. Don't go on phone first thing in the morning
2. I want to have a really cool garden. (and its ok if it starts small)
3. I want to have a craft/office/space where I can do all my hobbies (both online and offline)
4. I want to hike and explore nature.
5. If I feel difficult emotions and have a strong desire to use social media/internet as a way to numb I have to close my eyes and take some deep breaths.
6. I should try to read 5 books.
7. I should make 2 playlists
8. I should write 1 blog post a week
9. I need to write! in my journal! stories! memories! moments! poems! dreams! letters!
10.  I should try one new cooking recipe and one new baking recipe

The only goal with this list is that summer feels fun, carefree, and enjoyable. There's a lot of suggestive word choice in here because I think coming back and finding a list of suggestions rather than rules will feel more inspiring when I'm bored or stressed.

Anyways, just wanted to start small and innocently on this blog <3

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"Then the heart of Eowyn changed, or else at last she understood it. And suddenly her winter has passed and the sun shone on her." -J.R.R Tolkien

A photo of the Sunset mountains that surround the western side of Horseshoe Reservoir. Cave Creek Ranger District. 2022